they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
