Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
420 ftw
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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