You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Randomize
