Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
