watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
