you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
