Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
