tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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