Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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