Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
