I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
