I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
