I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
