dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
