i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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