Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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