My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
