Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
