the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
