You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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