we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
