I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
