She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
