when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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