the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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