It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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