Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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