bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
