I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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