I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm always down for nudity.
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