i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
