Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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