i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
