Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
