Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
