why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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