if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
