We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
