he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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