Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
