I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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