Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
