My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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