dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
