When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
