you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
