Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
