this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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