I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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