I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
