She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
