Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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