Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
