do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
