the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
