Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
