wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
