you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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