her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
