i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
