i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
