Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
