oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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