The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
