Betty ford says i'm here all night
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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