u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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