I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't turn off my feet"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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