just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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