You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
