So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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