so that wasnt chicken after all
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
