i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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