i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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