He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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