i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize