ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize