I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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