I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
