I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
