hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
