i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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